August

I wish I had a working computer.  I need to be blogging more.  It is a part of who I am...

Until I get a new one, I will do my best to put some brief thoughts down via phone.

As the arrival of the "new baby" approaches, I find myself getting increasingly emotional about the X, the past, etc.  I can feel all of this heartbreak, and I can only assume it is because he is officially having another baby.  After the way he treated me (AND PACO) throughout that pregnancy and into the newborn (first eight...) months, it hurts immensely to know he has "been there" and will "be there" for this baby.  Wouldn't it be better to just decide you're going to "be there" for these six kids?  I know it isn't within my realm of control, but boy have I let it get under my skin.  I think I've been pretty calm overall, but lately I think my subconscious is revealing my true feelings.

This is where blogging helps.  Since I can't go to him (the X) directly (it may be a shock, but, yes, I have had that urge, as of late) with my hurt, anger, pain, etc., what do I do?

Aaaah, so simple.  Take it to the Lord.  His Grace Is Sufficient.  His Atonement is perfect.  He is perfectly equiped to extend His mercy, love, comfort... whatever I need!  And He does give me those things, in droves.  I am grateful for the reminder...

I can do this.