Dinosaur!

This morning, right around 3am, I got a visit from Janey (or Janette, as she so beautifully enunciates, now that she is attending preschool - they call her by her full name.)  She came into my room to tell me that there was a dinosaur in her room.  I asked her about it.  She told me it was black, and she saw it on Breanna's ladder up to her bed.  I half paid attention as she continued to, matter-of-factly describe the dinosaur in the girls room.  She asked me if it was my pet.

 

 "Sure, Jane, it's my pet dinosaur.  It's very nice.  It won't hurt you."

  "But it will roar."  

"Roar?" 

"Yes, it will roar in my face.  And it will meow because it is a kitty."  

Our conversation went on and on.  Parker woke up as well, so I was patiently, gently, delicately trying to get the babies to just GO TO SLEEP.  I was not successful for over an hour.

This morning, somehow, we all were laying in my bed goofing off (except Jason, of course, who is suddenly too cool.)  I recounted the dinosaur story to Hattie, and she devuded to ask Jane.

"Janey, did you see a dinosaur?"

"Yes."

"Where was it?"

"It was in your room!  But it was really a hanger, in the morningtime."

Now, this story probably doesn't translate well to print, but it was immensely ammusing at the time.  I couldn't stop laughing.  My smart little Janey is so much fun!

I cannot believe

I spent ten years and had six kids with that worthless piece of crap.

I am so angry.

Dating

Has been interesting.
I'm learning soooooooo much about myself, and I think I've truly come to believe that I am loveable.  Not because I'm sexually attractive, or hilarious, or smart, but just because I'm ME.  It's a completely new feeling, but it feels GOOD, let me tell you!
I used to pick someone and decide to go for it.  This strategy is most accurately represented through the story of my marriage.  Decide and do.  I decided I wanted Rick, and that was it.  We got married.  No preparation, no "get to know you" or ease into it.  Just decide and do.  I've decided that it's time for a new strategy...  How about actually developing a relationship (starting with friendship) over time, and then figuring out if you are compatible beyond that initial attraction?  How about that?  I'm finding that I'm just not that interested now that I've removed the feeling of desperation from my search.  Fascinating!
I also weigh more than I've ever weighed (not pregnant) in my life.  I am not proud of my body.  But (and this is very, very significant for me) I DON'T CARE.  I know that no matter what I weigh, I am deserving of love.  It is a wonderful feeling.
So much of my marriage was characterized by "I love you 'even though'..."  Even though the house isn't clean enough.  Even though you've put on some weight.  Even though you're mean.  Even though...  I was always so fortunate to have a husband who was willing to love me "even though..."  No longer!  Now I know I deserve more, I deserve better, I deserve to feel loved, truly loved. 
I work very hard to make sure my children feel loved and loveable.  The majority of my energy and attention goes to figuring out how to meet their emotional needs effectively.  I can see the difference in them.  I believe I'm doing something right.
I think I have truly found my confidence, found myself, and I like it!
This used to be me:
Watch "Lee Brice - Hard to Love (Official Video)" on YouTube
But no more!  I am easy to love.  In so many ways, for so many reasons!
I can do this.