Wednesday, February 27, 2013

i should be sleeping.

The other thing that church reminded me of was an experience I had with the Lord in late 2010.  I had been diligent about reading scriptures and praying every single night.  I felt connected with the Lord.  I was immensely distraught over my divorce, my husband (at the time) and what was to become of my marriage/family.  It was a very very difficult time.  I was trying desperately to understand my husband's choices and I just couldn't.  The Spirit had confirmed to me that I was on the right path, that my desires were pure...  So I knelt one night and prayed - FERVENTLY prayed - to be enlightened by my reading.  I prayed that the scriptures I read that night would give me some insight into where Rick was at emotionally, spiritually - what was "going on" with him.  I stood from my knees, opened my scriptures, and read Exodus Chapters 8, 9, and 10.  This is the story of the pharoah.  He keeps saying he's going to do the right thing.  He keeps getting signs.  He chooses to ignore the signs - over and over and over.  I kept reading and reading for the point when the pharaoh comes around.  Over and over, he says he's going to let them go, but then he just doesn't.  He hardens his heart - over and over and over.  If you are familiar with the story, then you know that the Pharaoh never comes around.  Moses and the people escape, are chased, red sea, blah blah blah...

The Lord (STRAIGHT UP) answered my prayer that night.  I knew it then.  I knew without question that Rick wasn't going to EVER come around.  It didn't stop me from trying (and trying and trying and trying,) but I got the message.  What a great testimony of truth.  And what a sad reality.

Months after that experience, I texted Rick about it.  He had told me that he wouldn't believe that he was supposed to come back to me unless God himself appeared to him.  LOL.  I am not kidding.  So I told him about the night I prayed and was led to read Exodus.  I asked him to read it.  I doubt he did.

Tonight I went back to my backed up text messages to find that one about Exodus.  I wanted to remember what I had told him.  I re-read the messages from that day and the next.  It was only a small excerpt of months and months of texts and emails in which I tried to convince him of my sincerity, but I read in a different light tonight.  Last time I read old texts, I cried and was "devastated."  Tonight, it made me sad, but it gave me resolve.  It renewed that same testomony of my path.  I was (without question) telling the truth the entire time.  Rick's refusal to believe my words did not make me a liar.  And his denial of reality did not make him honest.  Truth is truth.  Lies are lies.  The Spirit will testify of TRUTH.  If we are open to it.  If we are sincere.  If we are listening.

What a profound experience.  What a great reminder of how great our lives can be if we choose to rely on the Lord - CHOOSE (the right) to TRUST HIM.  I am grateful for the reminder.

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