Love/Fear

I know I'm a little late to write/post, but I had a great day at church this weekend.  Feeling happy in so many ways (also stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, chaotic) that I wanted to reflect a little bit.

First, let's be clear.  I take six kids to church with me every other Sunday, so I cannot claim to have caught/heard/internalized all of the many wonderful spiritual thoughts that were proclaimed, but can distinctly remember bits and pieces.  Most significantly, the quote that stood out to me was "Love is a greater motivator than fear."  Parenting (and parenting styles) have been a common subject of thought and discussion for me lately.   I would argue that my style is based on love.  I want them to feel loved, safe, comfortable with their own feelings.  I am trying to teach them to communicate their emotions effectively.  I think it is an important skill in life.  I am trying to teach them to be self-reliant, confident, independant thinkers and feelers.  I do that by making an effort to truly KNOW them as individuals.  I seek to understand their emotional needs and figure out how best to communicate with them.  Believe me, with six little INDIVIDUALS it is not an easy job.  That aspect of this job is enough to keep me busy full time.  It is my highest priority - to love them, guide them, know them, accept them - help them understand and own their personal responsibilities in and to this world, their ultimate autonomy.  I want them to understand how much control they have over their own destinies, how much their choices affect their reality, and the importance of a strong spiritual foundation.  I am NOT trying to scare them into submission, to "force" them to be good, or to make them follow (senseless) "rules."  I don't think fear is an effective motivator.   Especially not for children.  They will be more successful when they feel acceptance, love, understanding and guidance.  Not fear.   Respect, yes. But not fear.  And you have to choose.  You can't have both.  You can't BE both.