I let him hurt me again today. Deeply. I let him hurt me with his lies, and his victim attitude, and his insisting that I am to blame for his poor choices. I did not choose, either directly OR indirectly, for him to stop paying child support for three months. I did not have anything to do with that choice.
I chose to file a court case in an attempt to be kept "in the loop" on his employment info. He says I could have gone to mediation through DCSS. Maybe, but am I supposed to expect cooperation with a mediator from a man who outright refuses to pay child support voluntarily? A man who lies to me at every juncture? I would be more than happy to mediate, but what evidence have I seen that he's willing to communicate or cooperate at ANY level? NONE!
I'm open. I'm waiting.
Yes, I let him hurt me. And no one can hurt me like he does. Those feelings are so raw. In a way, I think I even still have love for him, and that just makes everything hurt more.
I've been praying for him a lot lately.
Emotionally destroyed a bit today. But I won't let him have that power. This time is mine.
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