To Love and Be Loved.

I wonder if I will ever learn to value myself beyond my physical body and my sexual attractiveness.  I am starting to realize that no one else will place a greater value on me until I can place that value on myself.  If I am willing to give myself away so callously, then I must not be worth much, right?

I know that the woman that Heavenly Father sees is so much greater than the way I have treated myself.  But I also want someone to treat me respectfully without me having to make them.  Do I determine how I am treated, or can the right guy reinforce in me that my value is greater than my body?  The problem begins with me.  I guess it must end with me too.  I can't put that on anyone else.  But I am afraid to do it all alone.  I want a partner.  I love being in love.  What is wrong with longing to find the person you are destined to love?

I am so angry at myself for being foolish and eager and naive.  I'm angry and hurting that I jump ahead too far too fast.  Probably should've re-read that last post a couple of (hundred) times over the course of the last two weeks.  I really, honestly, do NOT know how to NOT get ahead of myself.  Life is overwhelming, and I've always hated being alone.

So back to the old standbys - FAITH, TRUST, & PATIENCE.  Let go of CONTROL.  But don't settle.  Never, ever settle.